No, I’m not engaged, thus not married, and no, i don’t have a baby.
BUT
Many of my classmates (those I graduated from HS with) are one of the three.
And then I had a mini freak it. VERY mini. Just a “oh wow… this is bizarre” sort of freak out.
I can hardly keep a normal relationship, I can’t imagine raising a child, or even having a baby in me! or even being engaged. SO weird. meh.
Once I’m done freaking out, I will write something more substantial on this topic. But for now… oh my.
oh life.
Last Sunday I was having dinner with a friend in Manhattan. Since there are fewer trains from NJ to NY in the weekend, I had to go to a different station from the one I normally use during weekdays… While waiting at the station’s platform, I started looking at the street, as I usually do, and decided to snap some photos of that rainy evening.
Keep A Blog Alive
Grand Teton National Park, Winter 2006
Today, in Austin, TX, there is a 53% chance of snow. Even if the weather people are wrong (which they tend to be A LOT), it’s still pretty darn chilly outside, even for an ex-Wyomingite. A good indicator that it’s cold outside, is when my husband makes the switch-over to closed toe shoes. We also caved and put the heater on last night.
This morning while I was getting ready for work, I realized a very serious problem. I have NOTHING in terms of knitwear for me wear on cold days. How ridiculous is that people?! I have a ton of adorable hats/mittens/scarves on my favorites list (on Ravelry) but none of which have been made, for ME!!! What’s wrong with this picture?
A couple of weeks ago I scored some Malabrigo Chunky in color Paris Night on ebay. I have 4 skeins, which is just enough to make some mittens and a cute hat. Too bad I have so much other knitting to complete first! I might have to squeeze these in as my fingers (and ears!) could use a little warmth!
Wait till you hear this!
Hot off the presses at tabloid tat newspaper The Sun this morning, there was a rather interesting article about a new brand of mince-pie that is actually so strong that it can force your blood alcohol content over the legal limit! Is it just me or are the folks at The Sun just systematically inventing headlines that have no basis in reality? I mean, have you ever heard anything so ridiculous as a pie that can get you rat arsed?
Given the ridiculousness of this story I already know that the public are going to eat it up like zombies. I can guarantee that the next time I pay a visit to the local Tesco and take a stroll down the booze aisle I shall be greeted by the sight of mince pies tucked in neatly next to my Bailey’s, Vodka and Jack Daniel’s. Forget W.K.D, now we’ve got P.I.E – 120 proof!
This story also got me thinking about alcohol in general, will the inebriation set on at the same pace as it does with regular booze or will the puff pastry act like the Diet Coke that sensible drinkers have in between each of their libations? I don’t know which is worse – having the drunkenness rumble on slowly like prostate cancer or just pounce out of no where like a severe stroke!
When I’m drunk I often find that I have trouble walking – I seem to just hobble along, it’s as if I’ve had a trombone shoved up my arse wide end first.
Anyway, enough about trombones.
Imagine being pulled over by the police not knowing your arse from your elbow! “What seems to be the problem officer, can you smell bacon? I’m only joking.” “How much alcohol have you had tonight sir?” “None.” “And how many pies have you had?” “…Nine” “Can you come with me please sir.”
I can see the official government figures now. “Pie related offences tripled in the month of December.”
There can be No Doubt (¿the band?) that MISTER Rivers Cuomo is my (current) favorite Tweetologist, and you should flog yourself if you are not yet following him. After the jump, some of my favorites of his of late.
[pullquote quote="You don't exist." credit="MISTER @RiversCuomo"]
11/28 – ‘You don’t exist.’ / ‘Urine: the bane of my existence.’
11/25 – ‘When the elder Texan I was writing with forgot the idea he had just come up with, he shrugged and said, “It’s like farting in a Tornado.”‘
11/23 – ‘My motives are pure-ish.’
11/21 – ‘If you each gave me a penny every day I would make $648,043 a year.’
11/20 – ‘I gotta piss like a race elephant.’
11/15 – ‘Stop ignoring me.’
11/14 – ‘A poorly constructed dilemma: if u had 2 choose between eating yr fav flavor ice cream or worm ridden horse diarrhea, which would u choose?’
11/12 – ‘”The first question an artist should ask himself when he can’t get an audience is ‘What am I hiding?’”‘ / ‘Wish I could confirm this. RT@MorrisseysQuiff sometimes i think i am the secret lovechild of kate bush and @riverscuomo. it makes sense.’
11/11 – ‘Some people are just so yummy.’
11/8 – ‘You probably think my tweets are directed at you but they’re not.’
11/7 – ‘What is electricity?’ / ‘Mind if I hump you?’
11/6 – (THIS ONE IS VERY TRUE. – Sluggo): ‘Veggie burger technology has come a long way.’
11/5 – ‘My molecules will flit back and forth in this Los Angeles basin for some time, and then disperse.’ / ‘Oh yes I am! RT: @L(EDITED)r @RiversCuomo you ain’t THAT cool, mister.’ / ‘I’d click that.’
11/3 – ‘Bah, Humvee.’
11/1 – ‘Napster, Friendster, Twitter. They all have the “-er” ending in common. I wonder where they got it from? *cough* Weezer *cough*.’ / ‘I guess devil-worshippers also believe in God, right?’
Ladies, Gentlemen, Undecided – that’s all just from last month! Some girls are bigger than others, some humans more entertaining than network television.
Faltan 23 días para la noche más hermosa del año…
Ya llego la época del año donde todo está lleno de lucecitas que brillan en árboles falsos decorados con bolas de colores, listones y hasta marcas aprovechan para poder pertenecer a la decoración de esa farsa natural, la época de los gastos elevados para regalos que son agradecidos con una falsa sonrisa y un “ve pues otro par de calcetines en la mente”, la época en que los ladrones se multiplican pues ellos necesitan también dinero para poder dar regalos a su familia. (Suspiro) aaaaa creo que no hay mejor manera de recordar el nacimiento de Jesús que a través de todos estos rituales sociales. Parafraseando a Peter Griffin “oooo, no hay nada como un hombre pequeño tomando fotos de niños sentados en el regazo de un viejo gordo barbudo dentro de un centro comercial para recordar el nacimiento de nuestro Salvador”…
Por mi parte creo que el mundo sería mejor y apuesto que mi vida lo hubiera sido si nos hubieran enseñado la verdadera verdadera identidad de Santa Clause, por eso amigos les brindo una mejor navidad:
Is there such a thing as an anniversary before something happens? A pre-anniversary? The first chapter of A Spark of Heavenly Fire begins on Friday, December 2, which means the year in which the story takes place will be 2011. I didn’t specifically choose that year, but certain events needed to happen on weekends, others on weekdays, and the year ended up being 2011 by default. I never mentioned the year in the book, so it’s mostly a trivial issue. Today is the two-year pre-anniversary of the onset of the story, however, and to celebrate, all month long I will be posting outtakes of the book on my blog.
Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Somewhere along the line I deleted the computer version of the first draft (or perhaps there wasn’t a computer version. I wrote it before I had a computer). I dug out my handwritten copy and am retyping some of the deleted parts. And there are a lot of them! The original draft was over 118,000 words, the final version less than 95,000. At least 4,000 of those words were justs and onlys and thats and beginning tos, which I worked hard to eradicate, so I don’t intend to bring them back, not even for curiosity’s sake.
Still, there many scenes that I deleted in order to get to the action quicker. Like many new authors, I frontloaded the book with information that slowed the story. I kept thinking that if only people could get past the first fifty pages, they would like the book — it’s a solid story with solid characters in a disasterous situation that could actually happen. A real breakthrough in my writing occurred when I realized that no one would wade through fifty pages to get to the good part, so I needed to eliminate those pages.
Included in the eliminated pages was a substory about a real estate agent and a retired defensive back who had once been part of the legendary Bronco defense team The Orange Crush. The realtor was so sex-starved that she would do anything, even turn a blind eye when he started molesting her daughter, in order to keep him in her life and her bed. I was going to post the deleted scene here, but it’s way more graphic than I realized. Whooo! It’s one thing putting a scene like that in a book, and another to post it where anyone can take a peak. I’ve saved it, though, and perhaps one day I will find a use for it.
I also deleted many less than stellar scenes, but included a brief mention of the action in flashbacks or dialogue. It got the point across without the sludgery of the original version.
I never quite knew what to do with the handwritten draft, but I’m glad I kept it. And who knows — someday I might be so famous (or even better – infamous) and the thing will be worth a lot of money.
Read the outtakes of A Spark of Heavenly Fire on: Bertram’s Blog
Read the first chapter of the published version here: A Spark of Heavenly Fire
Free download: get the first 30% of A Spark of Heavenly Fire free at Smashwords
Read blurb (or buy!) at Second Wind Publishing: A Spark of Heavenly Fire
Pat Bertram is also the author of More Deaths Than One and Daughter Am I.
