Wait till you hear this!
Hot off the presses at tabloid tat newspaper The Sun this morning, there was a rather interesting article about a new brand of mince-pie that is actually so strong that it can force your blood alcohol content over the legal limit! Is it just me or are the folks at The Sun just systematically inventing headlines that have no basis in reality? I mean, have you ever heard anything so ridiculous as a pie that can get you rat arsed?
Given the ridiculousness of this story I already know that the public are going to eat it up like zombies. I can guarantee that the next time I pay a visit to the local Tesco and take a stroll down the booze aisle I shall be greeted by the sight of mince pies tucked in neatly next to my Bailey’s, Vodka and Jack Daniel’s. Forget W.K.D, now we’ve got P.I.E – 120 proof!
This story also got me thinking about alcohol in general, will the inebriation set on at the same pace as it does with regular booze or will the puff pastry act like the Diet Coke that sensible drinkers have in between each of their libations? I don’t know which is worse – having the drunkenness rumble on slowly like prostate cancer or just pounce out of no where like a severe stroke!
When I’m drunk I often find that I have trouble walking – I seem to just hobble along, it’s as if I’ve had a trombone shoved up my arse wide end first.
Anyway, enough about trombones.
Imagine being pulled over by the police not knowing your arse from your elbow! “What seems to be the problem officer, can you smell bacon? I’m only joking.” “How much alcohol have you had tonight sir?” “None.” “And how many pies have you had?” “…Nine” “Can you come with me please sir.”
I can see the official government figures now. “Pie related offences tripled in the month of December.”
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